Hydrangeas are pretty

So I did it...

2008-06-26T12:54:00.003-04:00

NOT to be a copy cat of our dear friends from ADPROB, but um...

http://hydrangeasarepretty.wordpress.com/

I've been working on it for a while, and it will continue to evolve, but please re-do your bookmarks, and um, see ya around!

My sweet, "lil' ole' man..."

2008-06-20T22:40:00.003-04:00

The long river in Egypt is called "the Nile." It is also the brunt of a joke when one is referring to someone being in "da-nile," aka, denial.

I have been giving Cougar Prednisone every other day for quite some time now, to help him feel better, and to help him, well, poop properly, due to his IBS, FLUTD, and a host of other issues.

We keep plastic on the bed, to catch wayward pukes, and upon morning wake-up, or arrival home, we MUST look down before each step, to do a once-over to look for puke, or poop. Now granted, Juno, our 18 year old sass-princess is guilty of a wayward puke or two, but it's mostly Cougs, truth be told.

The constant clean up patrol has REALLY been getting to Narda. And heck, I don't blame her - she's just started back at Lion King full time, it's a wee-stressful learning all of the old stuff, yet, new again, because it's in a new theatre, so all that was part of her muscle memory has changed; we have a rambunctious 2 and a half year old, and are slowly working towards #2 - we just have to have our "FSW" (faboo social worker) over for coffee, and she's waiting for my prints back from the feds, and then, voila, we are "back in pool."

But I digress.

Each time Narda suggested that Cougar was in pain, and it wasn't fair to him, all I could think of was HER inconvenience at the "occasional," "random," "wayward" poop. But in reality, each and every time Cougar takes a (humongous, I might add) poo, it hurts him. And he lets everyone know how much it hurts him. Even Malka asks if he "has issues?" But it's not every day. And he's a regular old grumpy man the rest of the time, you know, when he's not going to the bathroom. He even will 'get his kitten on" every so often, and chase a toy around for a few seconds.

I have also been able to use the "but he was your mom's cat" trump card for a while. It's not working anymore. Narda has been determined, and I have been obstinate. I have called her a murderer, insensitive, cruel, and I have even gone so far ask to ask her if she wants to be "put down" if she happens to poo in an inappropriate place when she gets older.

He is my "Baby-Bear," my "Cougie-Cougs," my "lil' old man," my "Cougie-Bear," "Cougs-a-Cougs," "Baby-mans," and bundle of mama's boy all rolled into a beautiful furry ball.

Tonight, Malka and I come home from Shul, to "poop-splosion-2008." It was everywhere. I am one who is LOATHE to use chemical cleaners, and will always opt for the organic, or the simple vinegar-water solution, but tonight? I used something yellow in a spray bottle. Narda will be so proud. I sanitized the entire house. It was EVERYWHERE. After I cleaned up the poo and the puke, and chased after Cougar to wipe his ass with baby wipes, (OH thank goodness for baby wipes,) I sat down, exhausted, and scrolled through the numbers on my cell phone for "vet." I dialed, and got Natasha's friendly voice, telling me that the office is closed, but they are open tomorrow, Saturday, and to call in the am. I left a message, started crying mid-way through, stating that "Hi, this is Shelli, mommy to 'Sir pukes-a-lot,' and Juno, and Quincy too, and of course, Malka, but that I'm calling to let you know that I'll be bringing in my baby bear tomorrow am, and I'm calling you now, before I change my mind. I've been in denial long enough, and have held off the inevitable long enough. It is time. And then I called Narda, and left her a message about the call I made. And then I called her babysitter, to see if she's available in the am, but then I realized that Narda doesn't have to be at work until 1pm tomorrow. I don't think it would be fair to bring Malka along, and then NOT bring Cougar home. So I also called Bobby and left a message, and started crying mid-message. Asking if he could watch Malka for an hour and a half, or come with me to the vet.

I don't want to. He's my baby bear. But at this point, it's cruel not to.

He is now under the bed. Telling me it's time.

Product placement, and guilty pleasures

2008-06-17T20:02:00.003-04:00

I realize that I've been Twittering my little heart out, and not being as good about blogging. I'm sorry. I really am.

As I work on philosophical dissertations to share with you, I WILL share that there are NO bubbles to be used by toddlers learning to blow bubbles other than GAZILLION Bubbles. Seriously. It blows gazillions of bubbles, and Malka can do it easily.

I know I have other product placements, but I've been meaning to share that one for a while.

And, um, my guilty pleasure? Stop laughing.

What's yours?

Da Lolz

2008-06-12T15:24:00.002-04:00

some are cute...

more cat pictures

Some are funny/smart...

more cat pictures

Some are just spot. on...

more cat pictures

And some are really cute, but um, SO photoshopped...

more cat pictures

Regardless, enjoy the lolz! (Can you tell I had some brochure stuffing to do today?)

bullets and memes

2008-06-11T14:29:00.002-04:00

I have so many posts floating around in my head, that I am almost paralyzed to write anything at all.

So instead, I give you bullet points, and a meme from our dear Cali.

-Narda going back to work full time at Lion King, and what that means for our family - good, bad and otherwise
-Malka's new preschool - awesome, yet VERY hetronormative
-My anxiety levels creeping back up a bit
-Back at Weight Watchers, and feeling good about it; making changes to last
-Mishegas at work - it's so insane, it's almost comical. And sadly, that's about all I can tell you - I love my job, the people there, but the board of directors needs some serious time with Super Nanny
-Our most recent and lovely visit from our dear friends over at AdProb
-"Flying solo" evenings and weekends again (see above, Narda going back to lion King); fun for a bit, but lonely, too
-Getting projects complete/decluttering
-There's more, but there's my frontal lobe "brain dump," as it were

Now onto the meme:

From Cali:

Use the first letter of your first name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, things - nothing made up. You can not use your own name for the boy/girl names.

1. What is your name? Shelli
2. A 4 letter word: Shit
3. A vehicle: Subaru
5. A boy’s name: Sean
6. A girl’s name: Sara
7. Drink: Shiraz
8. An occupation: Stockbroker
9. Something you wear: Shirt
10. A celebrity: Sandra Dee
11. Something found in a bathroom: Soap
12. Reason for being late: SLEEP
13. Something you shout: See #2 above.
14. A body part: Shin
15. Word to describe yourself: Sassy

Affirmations - Updated!

2008-06-03T21:51:00.005-04:00

Or... yet another reason we're SO happy with the new school for Malka.

Not only did every teacher run into her room on the first day to comfort the screaming banshee that is known as "our daughter on the first day of daycare;" not only did the Israeli teacher in her room mention that she was impressed with Malka's Hebrew comprehension; not only does she (Israeli teacher) know Malka's FAVORITE song EVER

(I searched and searched, for a simple mp3 to insert, but Israeli pre-school songs are hard to find - so this will have to do. LaShevet means to sit, and laKum means to stand - it's basically a cake walk song, and kids LOVE IT!), but... but... but!

A note came home today, asking for pictures of the children's father for their father's day project, and on it was a hand written note: "How do you want us to handle this? ;)" Gail.

I printed out a picture of Malka and her grandpa.

We were VERY impressed. If you recall last year, we got a generic card, painted on by Malka, and I justified it by stating its resemblance to a vagina.

Could it be possible in our lifetime?

2008-05-29T12:10:00.002-04:00

ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — Same-sex marriages legally performed elsewhere will be recognized in New York in response to a state court ruling this year, Gov. David Paterson's spokeswoman said Wednesday.

Um, WOW. So Narda's and my relationship, which is basically a marriage, has the potential to be legally recognized in the state where we live.

And it's a good thing, too, because we've been too busy with life, liberty and the pursuit of a running toddler to go to our lawyer and have random paperwork filled out, and money spent to give us the same rights as married couples everywhere.

Speaking of our relationship, Monday will be 8 years together. We count our first kiss as the "moment" to mark our relationship. If we CAN get hitched somewhere and have it recognized here, we'll do it as soon as possible, but do an official Jewish/Chuppah wedding closer to our 10th anniversary, June 2, 2010. Squee!

And speaking of our relationship, we have a DATE planned for Monday night! We'll be eating dinner, and seeing a little flick. You may have heard of it...

30 seconds of the mele going on across the street.

2008-05-27T17:16:00.001-04:00

30 seconds of the mele going on across the street.
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

There was a shooting in Harlem last night. We saw hundreds of teens running out down our street.

Narda went out to see what was going on, a few of the teens said: "we're just having a cook out."

On today's news, however, we learned that 7 people were shot.

Stuck in the 80's

2008-05-22T15:20:00.002-04:00

A wee bit ago, I was informed that my 20 year HS reunion would be taking place this summer. Ever since that news, I've been doing my own version of the time warp.

Seriously.

I'm streaming the 80's channel on the aol radio, and scanning pictures from "way back." I will probably not be able to go, but it's been fun reminiscing, and reconnecting with the 10-15 people that were kind of friendly to me during those awkward teen years.

So I stumbled across this, and had to share. I hope you enjoy as well.

more graph humor and song chart memes

My Dad's a Superstar!

2008-05-15T22:02:00.002-04:00

I never blog about my family.

But I'm "shepping such naches" at the moment, that I just have to share this tidbit about my dad...

(He did say it was OK)

Adkins leads by example in Reach the Beach ride

By Cliff Newell

The Lake Oswego Review, May 15, 2008

By riding 100 miles on Saturday, May 17, Dick Adkins of Lake Oswego figures he can do a lot of good for people.

The event is called Reach the Beach, a ride for thousands of bicyclists sponsored by the American Lung Association of Oregon, and Adkins’ commitment to it is quite serious. He does not want people to die prematurely of lung disease, the way his father did.

“My dad died of emphysema. He was quite a smoker,” Adkins said. “I’ve seen pictures of Black Lung and that is exactly what he had. He was 68 at his death, and in our family the men live to be in their 80s or 90s.

“Reach the Beach is just a way to get people to stop smoking. More women smoke than men today, and that is not the way it used to be. Smoking can kill you at a young age. I don’t think that should happen to anybody.”

Adkins credits bike riding with drastically improving his health and fitness. It is hard to believe when you look at him now, but he was once 225 pounds and had a huge waistline. Now the 65-year-old Adkins is a slim, trim and strong 150 pounds, more befitting his background as a college athlete.

Thus, Reach the Beach is way for Adkins to maintain his commitment to fitness and also honor his father.

“I’ve been riding in Reach the Beach for about six years,” Adkins said. “A friend told me about it. He said, ‘This is a longer ride like you’ve been looking for. It looks like an interesting one.’ I thought, ‘This is one ride I could probably do in remembrance of my dad.”

But Adkins has not only ridden in Reach the Beach. He has brought many others into the race by training them in 12 rides that lead up to the big event.

“I’ve been doing this for the past four or five years,” Adkins said. “These rides are 34, 35, 49 miles, and the Champoeg ride has a lot of hills. It tells you who really wants to do it.”

Usually there are 16 to 26 riders who show up for Adkins’ training rides, although “we had a low of five on a rainy Saturday. But on May 17 I expect at least 20 people out of it.”

He added, “It will also get more riders for the Portland Wheelmen (a bike riding club of which Adkins is a member). We get seven or eight members a year from this. They think it’s fun and want to ride some more.”

That is why Reach the Beach will have at least 5,000 participants.

Adkins has fun, and he certainly loves the way bike riding has helped him get in great shape. But he also wants to fight cancer, which helps explain why he wears a yellow wristband from Livestrong, the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

“I believe in helping,” Adkins said. “One way is getting these rides.”

The ride starts from five different locations: Portland, Corvallis, Salem, Amity or Grand Ronde and represents five different distances (110, 100, 80, 55 or 26 miles). All routes end in the Pacific City area.

For additional information about Reach the Beach, go to www.ReachTheBeach.org or call 503-459-4508.

Getting there!

2008-05-14T13:51:00.005-04:00

Back in November, I started Amanda Jean's Quilt-a-long.

It's been slow going, and I'm a wee late on starting #2, but I've had a few other projects up my sleeve.

Some of them are getting complete, so I've been able to give some time to the original Quilt-a-long, and here she is so far!

I still have to add borders, batting, and a back, but it's MUCH further along than I anticipated!

the "doocer-view"

2008-05-08T13:52:00.003-04:00

Otherwise known as:

Whereby we are all jealous of Bri, because Dooce is now her bff!

PS - KLG was a twit!

Waste not...

2008-05-08T12:23:00.002-04:00

Day old baguette
Brie cheese
Moist paper towel
Microwave for 30 seconds.

It's love.

Confessions

2008-05-04T01:01:00.004-04:00

DESPITE having a 15, yes FIFTEEN year working history as a Stage Manager in theatre, I always thought that the "kids" on Sesame Street, aka, Gabi, Miles, etc. were, um, the actual relatives of the actors that played their older relatives.

Please stop laughing.

Um, they're not.

You know, just in case you were wondering....

um, Wow.

2008-04-30T18:43:00.002-04:00

I had SO many titles for this post in my head, but they all involved massive nasty swear words.

I just wish that the "come backs" would come to me DURING, and not 5 minutes later.

Malka and I were walking home from daycare, and having our usual smiling encounters with the locals. So it didn't surprise me when this one "lady" said: "Oh, who's baby?" I said: "Mine." And smiled. She then said: "No, who's the mom?" And I looked at her somewhat quizzically, and said: "me." She then said: "No, I mean, who's the REAL mom?" And I looked at her, and said firmly, "I AM her REAL mom." She then said: "Yeah, I bet," and walked away, as I pushed Malka in the other direction.

It was all I could do not to cry right then and there. I mean seriously? What the hell? SO many emotions and reactions sprung forth into the chasm of that exact moment. "Will Malka have to answer such idiot questions when she's older?" "How do I shield Malka from the hatred that we had just experienced?" "WHO in the hell does she think she is?" " I AM her REAL mother, dammit!" And the inevitable Lifetime Movie script started laying in my head: "Who got up with her 30 million times during the night when she was a baby?" "Who changes her diapers, loves her, feeds here, is there for her, IS her 'REAL' mom in every sense of the word?"

I mean, I KNOW that I'm her "real" mom, and I KNOW that that woman was all of the nasty words I can think of, but it still hurt. I know that we live in NYC, and are BLESSED to have not encountered such hatred before, when so many of you probably have already. It's just horrible.

chirp, chirp...

2008-04-23T12:40:00.004-04:00

I know, I know, I'm SO remiss on posts, I'd be surprised if anyone's still around.

A lot going on, just not much time or energy to blog these days. I haven't forgot about you amazing internets, I've just been a bit swamped.

I actually CALLED, as in, on the phone - spoke to a good pal of mine who's been having a run of the yuck and the suck lately. Just because I was thinking about her. Feel free to go send her some sugar, m'kay? And um, maybe some shoe coupons, because we promised each other to go shoe shopping soon!

Did I mention that my 20, as in TWENTY year High School reunion is this summer? Thanks to Facebook, I've reconnected with a lovely handful of folks that I quite enjoyed, but never stayed in touch with. It also amazes me that some of the people that made fun of you, or teased you, or were general little shits are actually pretty nice people once they get a few years away from the walls of High School. I guess that applies to most of us, actually.

I'm still not sure if I can go or not, because well, there's that whole "how many days of work vacay do I have left?," and "I'm trying to plan a trip across the pond to see Amy," and of course, the "oh yeah, right, I work for a Synagogue, and the end of August is WAY too close to the Chagim to even think of leaving my desk" time of year... SO time will tell. If I can sneak away for the weekend, we'll see.

So in the interest of quantity, not quality ;) I present you with the following meme - I stole it from Insane Animals - feel free to do the same:

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
* Debt that is above the norm - still paying off stupid debt.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
* Sardi's

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
* Nope.

4. Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart the most?
* Doesn’t really apply.

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
* I would have played more sports, kept up with dance, and other healthier lifestyle choices earlier on - oh yeah and NEVER started smoking!

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
* Mrs. Somebody - ACK. Dark, short hair, I can picture her, but not remember her name (I'm a right brained person, you see...) ;)

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
* Sleeping in my comfy bed, no disturbances from 4 or two legged creatures.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
* An actress.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
* 2.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
* It’s clean and it fits.

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
* Suckas! We don't own a car, and use public transportation.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
* Move my family back to Portland. Or Chicago. Chicago is fun.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
* Is it 6:30 already?

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
* Try to get up on time.

14. Do you miss being a child?
* Sometimes.

15. What errand/chore do you despise the most?
* Doing the dishes.

17. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
* Yes.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
* Sleep in whenever they let me.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
* Snoopy.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
* Cuddle up and sleep.

21. Have you found real love yet?
* I think I have.

22. When did you start feeling old?
* When I could relate to sciatica.

24. Your favorite lunch meal?
* Enchiladas.

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
* NOTHING. Made FOR children, BY children.

26. Beach or lake?
* Either is lovely.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
* Nah, still wish we could get one, however.

28. Do you own property?
* About 850 Sq. Feet of property.

29. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
* Reality TV.

30. Favorite movie?
* Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory - The Gene Wilder Version.

31. What’s your favorite drink?
* a nice Shiraz or Malbec.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
* Hmmm, I never played, I mostly tried to burn blades of grass with a magnifying glass.

33. Cops or Robbers?
* Again, see above.

34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
* Well, if I'm able to go to the 20 year reunion in a few months, then I'll see MANY of them!

35. What radio station is your car tuned to?
* What car? If I had one, NPR.

36. Norm or Cliff?
* eek. Hard one. The post office guy made me laugh.

37. Grey’s or ‘The Office?
* The Office

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
* Does not doing the dishes more regularly count?

39. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
* Yes, I love this little computer - it keeps me connected to the world around me, as I work alone in an office.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
* Gene Wilder.

41. Indoors or Outdoor?
* I like both - depends on the weather - I LOVE to be inside during bad weather, and outdoors when it's sunny!

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
* In High School.

43. Have you ever used a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
* Nope.

44. Last book you read?
* 1, 2, 3 Magic

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
* While sitting ON the toilet.

47. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
* Palm Springs.

48. Do you go to a house of worship?
* Yes.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
* New career.

50. How old are you?
* 37.

Malka helps clean for Pesach...

2008-04-15T20:33:00.001-04:00

Malka helps clean for Pesach...
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

Ayup - it's that time of year. Pull all of the crap out of the kitchen, and clean it. Looking for "crumbs and leavening."

Living in a NYC apartment, we actually just clean out ONE cupboard, as um, you know, there's NO WHERE to put everything. So we just lock up the other cabinets.

So one cupboard and the oven done, one fridge, counters, stove top and sink to do...

A Zissen Pesach to you all!

Wrong on SO many levels...

2008-04-11T11:43:00.002-04:00

But you know? I'm STILL Laughing. It's FUNNY! Really funny - so um, maybe you shouldn't have a mouth full of coffee...

News, and a linky-loo...

2008-04-10T15:32:00.002-04:00

First off, the U.T.E.R.U.S brigade "internet garage sale" is in FULL swing, and it's all to help fellow infertiles, including our dear pal, Cali.

So go bid on something, would ya?! (I made the orange, by the by, and am sad that there's NO bids on it! WAAAAAA)

Now onto some OTHER exciting news - Malka got into Renanim! http://www.uppereast.com/renanim.html

The MOMENT we walked in, we KNEW it was the right place for her - diverse kids, two certified teachers in each room - one that is American, one that is Israeli - the main teacher in the room that will be Malka's spent almost an hour talking to us, and showing us how they prepare them for kindergarten! Teaching them letters, numbers, etc. They take field trips, and BEST of all? We got some financial aid! It's still going to cost us more than we're paying now, but not the scary amount from other places, and it's just.so.great.

Malka starts in JUNE! OY! Can you say - tax spending incentive money going towards the education of a Jewish baby with lesbian moms!

The Israeli teacher in Malka's room is in the last picture on the left hand column, with all of the curly hair.

SQUEE!

do you twitter?

2008-04-06T21:06:00.001-04:00

It's great for when those snippets of blog posts come to mind, I can just send a text message to my "assigned number," and it's automatically updated!

It's SO cool. You should try it.

All the cool kids are doing it.

And um, you know, if you wanted to follow me, I'm "saderman."

Calling the IVP...

2008-04-06T10:10:00.002-04:00

Go and send some love to Chicory and family. They've had some serious suckiness this year, and one of their rays of hope was just dashed.

Love you, Chicory. Sending white light.

looking for my mojo...

2008-04-03T10:36:00.002-04:00

My "to do list" is HUGE - and I'm either being lazy, or just un-motivated, or overwhelmed, or WTF? I don't know. But here's my list:

-finish all of my fun, fantastic sewing projects (see earlier posts for the WIP)
-clean my house
-fold Malka's laundry
-stick to my WW plan
-paint and mount the "Torah shelf" I made for Narda for her birthday
-clean out Malka's closet, move all of my crap out of it
-general de-cluttering, find something for the U.T.E.R.U.S. "garage sale"
-make the photo albums for the adoption of child #2
-copy Narda's and my birth certificates, send to adoption agency
-take Malka's artwork, cut up to mount onto nicely folded pieces of paper, turning them into GORGEOUS thank you cards
-finish a bazillion craft/knitting/sewing projects
-finish Malka's scrap book (um, I did 3 pages about a year ago)
-gardening
-get hair cut

And this doesn't even begin the "at work" to do list, of things that are "OK to wait a while, but SO need to get done" - like all of my check lists for the Major Chagim (holidays), but my window of time to get them done is narrowing.

My WW leader once said, when I asked her what the deal was - she (bless her heart) said - follow the Nike Ad - Just do it. It's SUCH a simple concept. To just STOP being in my own way. If only I could just put my fears/baggage/laziness/whatever on a shelf, and just get shit done, I'd be much happier.

Like this am, I loaded the dishwasher while Malka ate her yogurt, and then she helped me scoop the litter boxes and take out the trash. It's such a small thing, but I feel like superwoman for accomplishing it. I shouldn't, though, you know?

Character love

2008-03-26T14:56:00.000-04:00

So it started with a simple fascination with the diapers. The ones with the characters form the only show she watches - Sesame Street. (OK, and a little Bob the Builder on occasion, when I'm tired of cycling through the 7 episodes on demand and need variety, but I digress...)

So at first, she didn't mind so much WHICH character was on the "Cheetool" (Hebrew for diaper), but I'm trying to figure out which kid in daycare to blame for suddenly turning my kid into a character-obsessed-girly-girl! Suddenly, she ONLY wanted the Zoe diapers, she made Mommy and I kiss Zoe, just like she did. She has recently been OK with the other ones, as I simply tell her that we're out of Zoe Cheetoolim, and does she want Elmo or Ernie or Cookie Monster. They all make her happy, so it's fine. (We keep her in the 7th gens by day, but she needs the more absorbent Pam*ers at night). But then! Nayla, in her daycare room, turned two, and gave out Easter baskets to everyone. (oy, another rant, but they DID appreciate the hamentashen I brought!) And IN the basket (after I secretly passed on the uber-sugar crap, but did save a piece or two of "chak-oh-lette" for the Cheeky), were some barrettes. Malka squealed "Zoe!" and pointed. And I was all - HUH? And she grabbed the package of barrettes, and HUGGED THEM to her chest, and squealed "ZOE!" And I felt my sense of self as a parent drop a notch or two.

But at least, she's letting me put a barrette IN her hair now, which might at least, prevent the "how old is HE" questions from being so popular. Because yes, Virginia, even girly girls wear shirts with basketballs on them.

A NEW take on "just one less"

2008-03-25T16:14:00.002-04:00

Just one less second that he's in office...

Thanks for the reminder, Artsweet!

Stomach bugs suck ass

2008-03-24T20:30:00.001-04:00

Literally ON me
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

But at least I have cute and furry company.

If purrs could be bottled as analgesics...

(That's Cougie Bear on my neck, and Quincy beast on my chest.)

The WIP

2008-03-23T09:40:00.001-04:00

I have finally learned the "WIP" Phenomenon. "WIP" meaning "Works in Progress." I have TOTALLY been bitten by the quilting bug, and I love it! Sadly, this past week, I've been SO zonked after Malka goes to bed, that the most I've been able to accomplish is feeding the cats and doing the dishes. But I did get to a little bit last night.

Here's my list, but um, since some of you reading may be some of the recipients, um, I really can't list EVERYthing....

1) Finish Quilt-a-long project (I'm seeing SO many beautiful examples, and it's inspiring me to finish!)

2) Hooter Hider for Inbar

3) Um, "project s"

4) OK, um, "project qp"

5) And "project n"

6) Tallis for Narda out of her mom's old Dashiki

7) clothes for my ever growing child.

Phew. Ok - only 3 that I can't mention... heh. ;)

But for now, we are off to Brooklyn, to hang out with House of Miao, and Malka's quiet. Which usually means trouble. So I've got to go. Ciao!

Re-entry's a bitch when you're two...

2008-03-19T20:06:00.002-04:00

I knew it was too good to be true. We got home Tuesday night around 8ish, just at Cheeky's bed time. We vacuumed the house, and did a quick dash to the wine store around the corner (Eemah needs her wine when parenting solo!) We came home, did a quick bath, and she was CLIMBING into her crib shortly after. Life was good.

Thursday am, she was thrilled as a bug on a rug, as I used the Ergo and a public bus to get her to daycare, as it was raining cats and dogs, and the stroller for a mile long walk in the rain is no fun for anyone. I was slightly worried, as she tends to REALLY love the Ergo, and has a hard time when I take her OUT. BUT... "Tia Anna" was there, so all was well, as she couldn't get OUT fast enough.

I pick her up from daycare, she happily goes in the Ergo, and then we get home. She doesn't want to come out. At all. So I keep her in a bit, and then use every distraction method in the book, and FINALLY, "Signing Time" on the computer allows her to come out of the beloved Ergo. Now maybe I should clarify. Not a complete "Signing Time," mind you. A one MINUTE song called: "Nice to Meet you." Over, and over, and over. After, oh, 20 minutes of "Nice to Meet You," I was SO done. And besides, dinner was ready. She did NOT want Signing Time to end, and threw a minor fit. Now even having done the "OK, Cheeky, we'll do 3 more times, and then it's time to say bye-bye to "Signing Time," (which usually works well when she's not a mess), she wailed, protested, reached arms out to hit, etc. You know, a wild 2 year old tantrum. So then I get SOME dinner in her, and then it's time for bath. She wanted NONE of that, so I did the stupidest thing EVER. I offered her the elixir of happiness - Bubbles! In the bath! WOAH! How much fun was THAT! Massive amounts of fun. Until, you know, it was over. Tantrum #2 for the evening. Despite distractions, hugs, and routine, she was OVER this whole "do what Eemah says thing." I finally get her to her room, and we restore some of the bedtime routine, and she willingly goes to bed. But just as I leave the room, however, she catches on, and starts whining/fussing. My heart rate/blood pressure elevate, and I simply ride it out. It takes her 40 minutes to settle. I've never ridden it out solo before, Narda's always been there to remind me that she's FINE. Really. She's just a vocal girl. And she is - it's never an escalated cry, because if it is, we go to her. But she whines/fusses/cries as a way to soothe herself to sleep. And it kills me.

But we all survived, and she has slowly been restoring to normal, as it were. It DOES feel, however, that she totally into the "terrible twos" full speed ahead - tantrums, NOT listening, "NO!," whining, etc. If it's "on the list" as being part of the terrible twos? Malka's doing it. And I actually caught myself yelling at her for the first time, using a swear word. Yesterday am, she took her insane pills, and was pushing all of MY buttons, and I finally let lose and said: "do you EVER fucking keep still!" And because Malka has rarely, if ever seen me yell directly AT her, she thought it was the funniest thing ever, and just laughed.

It's a good thing she's so damn cute and asks for snuggles so much, because that can balance out the hard stuff any day.

We had a great time in DC, seeing our friends over at AdProb, and getting some good time in with mommy. Pictures are slowly coming into flickr, so be sure to check out naked babies in a tub, chapter 5. Cait said to me, mid bath: "Do you think the girls will find it odd when they are 14 and we want tub pictures?"

We also saw some elephants peeing at the zoo. Malka thought that was THE funniest thing ever. She really liked the hippos, too. We went with Jenny, Ezra and Elsie, who went forward facing in her moby for the first time and LOVED it. It was REALLY cute, too.

feed da fishies

2008-03-16T22:04:00.000-04:00

enjoy this little time waster whilst Cheeky and I are in DC...

Because it's families like mine...

2008-03-11T10:31:00.002-04:00

that ruin the institute of marriage.

hmmmm.

and

more hmmmmm.

Oh wait, and let's not forget our dear friend, Aahnold...

You know? It's REALLY easy to find articles about Politico MEN who sleep around and violate the "institution" of Marriage. But stories like the above mentioned that appear within OUR families? RARE, if at all.

I'm just sayin...

Go on, I dare you...

2008-03-10T10:46:00.001-04:00

I dare you NOT to be humming this after you watch it.

It's hard not to giggle, and yet, be sad, at the same time, that this kind of PSA is needed...

OUCHHHHHHHHHH

2008-03-08T17:20:00.001-05:00

OUCHHHHHHHHHH
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

Stop fucking biting me, kid, OK?!

OK - since I'd never say that to her, I feel i can say it to you.

To her - it's "gentle, gentle, we don't bite."

But Narda's in DC, and I have to scream somewhere.

So you get to hear it - FUCKING OUCHHHHHHHHHHHH!

phew.

OK,
Thanks,
we're off to have dinner at a friend's. She's in heaven playing with her car seat.

eh, eh, eh ohhh peeeee

2008-03-06T10:49:00.002-05:00

Malka has taken over ownership, if you will, on our old point and shoot camera, which right now, is our only means of shooting semi-quality video. So in order to get her on "film," it must be secretive.

So sorry for the traffic sounds and views of the Malka's coat. But enjoy...

A B C from Shelli on Vimeo.

Because Laura made me

2008-03-04T14:25:00.002-05:00

Reference back to the blog that sent you

Make a list of 5 things that you have to get done this week (NON-Work related), no matter how small

Get 2 other people off their asses to get their shit in order.

So here is my list

1 Finish quilting the top of a baby blanket I’m working on

2. finish the sashing of Amanda Jean’s Quilt-a-long

3. figure out what Malka and I will do IN DC for a few days while mommy works.

4. de-clutter the “entrance cubbies”

5. pick a quilt pattern for Narda’s mom’s Dashikis…

And I tag:
Bissel Babka

and
Jive Turkey

(and I know that I still have to do that book meme for Lo and for Jenny - I'll have to do that a wee later, however. Forgive me.)

a-b-c

2008-03-03T16:32:00.000-05:00

The alphabet, according to Malka.

(sing it to the alphabet song, it makes more sense that way…) ;)

a b c d e f g h i j k eh eh eh eh eh a b c d e f g q r s t u v w s y ceeeeee now I no nie a eee eeee, eemah, YOU say a eee ceee!

Cheeky didn't nap today

2008-03-02T21:39:00.002-05:00

At. All. ALL Cheeky ALL day long is a LOT. It's awesome, but LORDY do I realize HOW much that nap gives me some time off...

I'm pooped.

G'nite.

Bitch is the new black, baby!

2008-03-01T23:59:00.001-05:00

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/#mea=221773

To my friends in Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas and Vermont. Watch this before Tuesday, please.

(and everyone else watch it, too - it's good.)

on remembering

2008-02-29T16:46:00.005-05:00

Cali asked us to make a post about remembering. I share about what we lost, and about what we've learned. It seems a lifetime ago. But I've never forgotten.

Friday, August 12, 2005

I hurt for her

the first series of news to make my heart skip a beat and fear the worst...

Nicole, (our faboo Social worker) calls, and says that "yes, they are still planning on following with an adoption plan" but they are ALL very emotional, and there's lots of crying, and they are planning on taking her home Sunday night to have their "one night" with her, and then we go over to their house on Monday morning with our SW and her SW, and if they like us enough and feel comfortable, she will sign her surrender documents.

it's our openess that has drawn her to us, and I pray we all have the strength to get through this together.

I cannot imagine a more terrible time for her, joyous and yet fearful for us.

it's so easy to get caught up in our OWN sturmunddrang, that I can forget just HOW painful it is for a parent to give up a child for adoption. She must be going through soooo many emotions right now, my heart hurts for her.

I'm a mess.

I want what is best for this baby, but we so desperately want to be parents, too.

My hope is that she will continue with the adoption plan, and we'll end up having gained a new family member, in the guise of our child's birth mother.

that is my prayer.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

she has decided to parent

What more can be said. Her SW called me just now and told me the news.

We'll keep you posted as to the next one.

Monday, August 15, 2005

what I've learned

I only learned this week, after three years of ttc, how much my friends really DO care. I had stopped telling them about every failed IUI, about every adoption call that fell through, but with this most recent one (we should have been bringing our daughter home today...) - they all came through for me - Why?

Because I asked them to - I sent an e-mail saying that I didn't need to be cheered up, that I just needed them to be there. And they were.

Shocked the shit out of me, to be honest.

I want to simply share that if you ask for what you need, you just might get it...

Thank you.

"Maka-speak" and a question

2008-02-26T10:26:00.003-05:00

Before I forget them, I want to jot a few fave's down...

nI-ma-min = Vitamin
kincEE = Quincy
Maka= Malka
nah-ah-yEE =Natalie
rear-rie = Leary
inowandis = I don't want this
noo-noos = noodles/pasta
auto-boose = auto bus
eh-pane = airplane
NO! = um, yeah. That one's pretty clear...

Oddly, her Hebrew pronunciation is pretty spot on, however. Heh.

And now, a question...

So Malka, being of the amazon variety, is barely fitting in her size 6 Seventh Generation dipes, and almost totally busting out of her her size 5 huggies overnights. I REFUSE to get the damn princess pull up crap, because there will be NO PRINCESSES in our house until she demands a princess or threatens to move out. Then we'll have to give in.

But seriously? What the heck can my kid who is SO NOT INTERESTED in potty training sleep in that will hold massive amounts of pish-pish that ISN'T COVERED IN PRINCESS CRAP?

And, she's off!

2008-02-25T15:39:00.002-05:00

Did I mention that Narda's off to DC for 6 weeks? And that she left today? And that I'll be a "single mom" during that time? No? Oh, well, um, yeah.

But according to Malka, she's not going to DC to helm the Kennedy Center's production of August Wilson's Twentieth Century, oh no. She's off to DC to play with Natalie...

Facing the Music...

2008-02-24T16:26:00.002-05:00

It's been SO hard to 'get honest' about my food. The truth of the matter is that I've been really 'bad' lately. Why do I self sabotage? I had been doing REALLY well for a while, and was only 4 pounds away from my 10 percent goal of 24 pounds lost. As of today's weigh in, I'm 13 pounds away.

I don't understand why I 'fall off' the proverbial wagon, and have done so before, allowing my internal 'fuckits' to take over- you now, as in: 'oh, fuck it, one slice of pizza will be fine.' Well, it's not. I currently weigh (as of today's weigh-in) 231.8 pounds. And I am 5'6'' tall. There, now the world knows. It's just a number. But. But. But. That number makes my face fuller in pictures, it makes my knees crunch when going up stairs, it makes Malka squish my legs and laugh. All innocently, but it secretly stings a little inside.

I don't like my body as it. I don't want to "accept my fat," because it's not healthy for my body. Some people, it may be healthy for them, and "fat acceptance" may be fine for them, so I'm not denying anyone the right to love themselves as they are. We should all be so lucky. I sure could work on accepting myself as I am while on this journey. But I still have to lose weight.

And the ONLY way for me to do so is to track my food, move more, and not just blindly stuff my face when i feel like it.

A little tough love with myself.

Until it becomes a habit.

"I need a therapy!!!"

2008-02-22T08:25:00.001-05:00

So "Auntie Marion" came over yesterday, and she and Narda were doing prep work for DC. I made us all dinner, and Marion and Malka got to have some good play time together. (OH, how Malka loves her some Auntie Marion!)

Narda, Marion and Malka were all in her room, coloring on some paper, and Malka was REALLY happy and saying something loud, Narda and Marion were talking, and then I heard "SHELLI!" And laughter. I come to her bedroom, not quite sure what to find, and I stumble upon Narda and Marion laughing hysterically, saying "I need a therapy?!" And looking at me quizzically, and Malka speak-screaming, and laughing, too.

Malka repeats the phrase, and I say: "Oh, Abby-Cadaby!" From Sesame Street.

Back in the day, when Rosie had a talk show, I got the chance to go, and one of the "shwag" gifts was a pencil with one of those rubber thinggies on top that she used to shoot out into the audience.

A while back, I stumbled upon it again, and Malka and I deduced that it looked a LOT like Abby-Cadaby's wand. So I had given it to her, and told her to say: "1, 2, 3, Magic!" and wave the wand.

So Malka was in FULL Abby-Cadaby bliss, but unfortunately, Narda and Marion weren't in on the deal, so they were highly confused. But once they were filled in on the details, we all had a grand time.

(I hope this doesn't read as one of those "you had to be there" moments - but it REALLY was funny!)

per request...

2008-02-21T10:18:00.003-05:00

Still plugging away at Amanda Jean's quilt along, and Juno decided to help pick out the order of squares. Currently, I'm pinning sashing.

It'll have 3.5 or 4 inch WHITE sashing - an old tablecloth that has a lot of lovely family memories, but is too stained to use in full - so sashing is a PERFECT way to incorporate it! And I'll do white set in blocks, as the quilt itself is just bold enough. Not sure what I'll use as the border blocks, however, maybe something larger? Any ideas? Amanda jean suggests making 4-patches out of the fabric used for the quilt... Maybe if I do a separating white border....

Her way...

2008-02-20T16:29:00.001-05:00

re-setting the clocks...

2008-02-19T13:31:00.003-05:00

But not in the "Daylight savings, or standard" time that we all know.

More like - imagine YOU, sleeping through the night. And then imagine you get up to go to the bathroom, or you startle awake from a dream, or you know, your toddler starts chatting, and it comes over the monitor like a football coach rallying the team. And it's 5am. And your alarm clock is due to go off in an hour.

And your internal clock has been reset, from the waking, and your body thinks you need 3 more hours sleep, because your body sleeps in 3 hour cycles. And your alarm goes off. And you don't hear it.

And your toddler re-settles herself, and then decides to give you the blow-by-blow chipper description of all of her friends and stuffed animals. And you bolt up, and it's almost 8 o clock.

I'm just saying...

Lost...

2008-02-14T22:03:00.002-05:00

Holy Crap! Did y'all see it - WOAH. SO much info.

Damn.

Mazal tov to the writers for getting a good contract! (and thank goodness they are back! - Phew.)

OMG - I SO get it now...

2008-02-06T21:16:00.000-05:00

I'd never seen her show before. And um, Narda's at Lion King tonight, so it's ALL the Food Network that I want (she can't stand the food network, WHATEVER, I can't stand Law and Order, but I still watch it with her... achem.)

Any way.

Um. Two words.

Nigella Lawson.

WOW. She just made a triple chocolate brownie, and between the camera angels of the chocolate, and her seductive explanations of her cooking techniques - I think I just had an orgasm. Woah.

By the by - thank you all SO much for the love and support. I really was just looking to have a place to vent, but external validation is so extremely helpful, and I'm eternally grateful to have you all behind me, so to speak.

And as an extra thank you? Please enjoy this scrumptious picture of Malka, helping Narda practice for her Bat Mitzvah...

Looooooong ass post...

2008-02-04T14:18:00.000-05:00

One of the things that I promised not to blog about…

I’ve tried to be respectful of other’s privacy, which is why I don’t really write about my friends beyond the IVP and such, or about Narda’s personal stuff, or my mom.

But I started this blog as an outlet for ME, and then it became a land of self-censorship. But I need to get this out, I need to share, I need to know that I’m not a bad person, and that sometimes, it actually IS the other person, and NOT me.

This may be long.

At the end of 7^th grade, my K-8 school and another local K-8 school changed, merged, what have you, and my school (which was my primary school after I left private, Yeshiva-Day school,) became a K-5, and the other school became a 6-8 school. So just before my 8^th grade year, I went to Robert Gray Middle School. I made some friends, I still had friends from the old Hebrew Day-School, and all was good.

In High school, I made some other friends, not tons, but some. I went to two high schools, actually – one in the morning for academics, and another in the afternoon, for theatre arts. I can count on one hand the number of people I am still in contact with from those years, despite the best efforts of classmates.com, facebook and myspace.

After High School, I went and lived in Israel for about a year and a half, and then moved to NY, and went and got my associates, and then took another year off, worked doing theatre, and then transferred to Hofstra, and got my Bachelors in theatre production.

Upon graduating university, it became imperative to move to NYC, in order to, you know, “be a professional artist, and work in theatre for the rest of my life (koff koff)” I moved in with a college friend, who’s family lived in NJ for a spell, and then got in touch with an old High School friend, whom I had known since the “merger,” if you will, of the two schools in Jr. High. It was great, she and her roommate were looking for a third roommate, to split expenses, and we were all in our mid-20’s, when multiple people in a tiny amount of space was natural and comfortable.

A few years later, the old friend from High School and I moved on, and got another apartment, where we each had our own bedroom, a shared living room, kitchen, etc. We even got two cats. We had separate, and together social lives – we’d hang out and do stuff together sometimes, and sometimes not.

Fast forward to 7 or so years later, it’s 2000, and we each, of course, enter the “7 year itch,” we find every little thing annoying about the other, we each have our own girlfriends that we are bringing over, and all of our quirks seem expanded. It’s normal. I was still a smoker then, and refusing to smoke outside, I’d smoke in my room, with the window open, sure, but I’m sure it was nasty.

But then.

Then she started getting a bit too specific about things. If I did the math wrong on a bill, and I mean, by being off by ONE PENNY, she’d leave me a nasty note for me, all in caps, saying that it was WRONG!!!!!! It’s $23.84 each, not $23.83 each. Um, OK. Now, granted, she had survived me not being the best bookkeeper, but I was far from being a vagrant, and even if late, I always paid my share of the rent (I was a free-lance stage manager – HELLO…. Not a “9-5” kind of world). But things started getting weirder and weirder. She had decided to cancel the phone service, and I had called the phone company to ask about changing it to my name, and she WENT OFF on me for calling the phone company, and if I wanted my own phone, to create one from scratch. Um, WTF? The phone company was cashing my checks, too – what difference does it make if it switches to my name or cancels? (obviously, this was before cell phones took over our daily lives, and we were still using the phone to access the internet… you know, on a MODEM.) And all kinds of weird shit like that started happening.

About a year after Narda and I were together, she (the roommate, not Narda) started leaving me “hints” around, like ads for apartments, and the like – and THEN she started bringing boxes home, with notes saying that these would help me in my move.

If you are looking at the screen funny, with furrowed brow, head tilted to the side, that’s the same reaction I had in the moment. Now of course, I’m not the easiest person to live with, but I DO believe in communication and even if it’s hard, I believe in talking about the hard stuff. I believe in getting things out in the open, and I DO NOT believe in head games. Which obviously, were in place here.

After some discussion, and Narda having talked to HER roommate, we agreed that I would move in with Narda and her roommate. I did one of the hardest things I had to do – I gave custody of the cats to my old roommate. I did, however, in a vindictive act of retaliation, call and cancel the electricity and AOL, and told her that if she wanted either, she’d have to set up her own account. I also had a good relationship with the landlord, and told him to use MY half of the security deposit as MY last month’s rent. She had a hard time getting her girlfriend on the lease, but the landlord gave me a beautiful letter of recommendation a year or two later when Narda and were applying for a mortgage, etc.

So after I moved out, which SHE claimed as a victory, and I felt was empowering myself, she had sent an e-mail, stating something to the effect of that “in time, we could both be friends again, yada yada yada.” I moved on with my life, and many of our mutual friends were simply amazed that we had lasted 7 years as roommates, and all agreed that it was best that we had gone our separate ways.

Then September 11^th happened. She worked downtown, and all self-imposed superiority complexes aside, I was worried about her, and we re-connected, thankfully, she was OK. (I finally got a hold of her folks).

I think we saw one another a few times after that, and made some e-mail attempts to make plans, and exchanged a few holiday cards, but that was that.

And now we come to present day, more or less. (If you’re still reading)

Someone a while back suggested, that for fun, to google your name. I did. I found myself in lots of theatre quotes, reviews, mis-quoted for something a lighting designer said to me eons ago. Heh – they still had me listed at my old job as a contact. (That was helpful, so I let them know about that one) And then I googled a few friends names, including hers. And I found out that she and her partner were TTC w/o luck. Now I didn’t bring this up to her, because, well, that’s kind of personal, but I did e-mail, and ask if anything new was going on, to, you know, open the door, so to speak. I told a mutual friend of ours, in confidence, about it, and we both pondered the concept of her as a mom. And we both kind of had a quick visceral reaction that we both acknowledged.

As many of you know, I recently received my Ravelry invite. It’s AWESOME. There are MANY knitters there, with talents that are FAR superior to mine. And I searched around for some patterns for Malka that I might use in the future, and guess whom I found? The old roommate. I dropped her a line, added her as a friend, and excitedly awaited a response. Her response was pleasant, and encouraging. I then responded with: “Great, I see you’re on flickr, and I’ll make you a flickr friend, so that you can see pictures of Malka.” I got the following response:

Shelli,

I have tried to be gentle, but you are not getting it.

I don't want contact with you. Please unfriend me on flickr and Ravelry and do not attempt to contact me again.

I spent the better part of the morning crying. Not so much in that I didn’t’ expect the royal welcome, but in the stinging, sharp rudeness and hurtfulness of this response. Narda called, mid-cry, and immediately, used a number of negative words about her. I said I KNOW, I shouldn’t have expected anything less, but it’s still hurtful, and WTF?! I sent our mutual friend a note, forwarding this message, asking her if she’d heard anything from the old roommate, and she simply replied with love and support, which sent me crying even further. I’ve shed the tears I needed to shed over this, and I’m moving on, but the sting, the pain I felt at the emotional slap in the face was hard, and writing all of this down, which was the original point of my blog has been helpful.

Again, I know that I’m not perfect, and that I’ve made many big mistakes in my life, and I know that we can get enmeshed in other people’s “emotional stuff,” but it’s helpful to know that sometimes? It’s the other person who’s the wack job.

So if you’ve made it this far?

Thanks for letting me share, and for having an outlet for my emotions.

Manning Threw it....

2008-02-03T22:06:00.000-05:00

But Burgess caught it!

GO GIANTS!

It was SO cute - EACH time the "audience" cheered, Malka yelled: "YEAH, GIANTS!" and clapped, too.

To asshats #1 and #2...

2008-01-31T08:49:00.000-05:00

To asshat #1 - If your dog craps in the middle of the street, and you SEE a woman walking with a stroller behind you, PICK THE SHIT UP. Don't just roll your eyes and move along. May you slip on ice, and land, ass down in a big pile of dog poo left by some other asshat, and maybe you'll think twice before being an irresponsible dog owner.

To asshat #2 - Yeah, lady, I KNOW it's cold and my kid should wear gloves. Got a staple gun handy? because it's the ONLY way she'll wear them. But thanks for sharing your excellent parenting advice, because it's obvious you currently do not live with a toddler.

Ugh. how are your asshats?

I'm IN!

2008-01-28T10:59:00.001-05:00

My Ravelry invite finally came! I had totally forgotten about it until just the other day, when I saw a delightful little message in my inbox.

Squee!

Kitteh lurve... Update!

2008-01-24T12:05:00.000-05:00

OK, I'll admit it, sometimes I prowl the cheezburgerz.

What, you say you don't know what iz da cheezburgerz?

Basically, funny cat pictures with purposeful bad spelling. It's cute. Really. Unless you're um, you know, a boring, evil animal hater, and then it's just stupid.

SO I made a cheezburger of my Cougie-bear.

It's cute.

Click and vote for him, mmmmkay?

kaithxbai!

Cougie made it to the voting pages, albeit with a different caption, which is funnier, truth be told!

Go click HERE and vote for "Da Cougs!" (currently on voting page 10!)

Living the Dream.

2008-01-21T21:09:00.000-05:00

In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Narda and I took Malka out in the freezing bitter wind, to the 28th precinct of Manhattan, and got our fingerprinting done, to further our own little microcosm of the dream, and come one step closer to adopting a sibling for Malka.

Here is the text of the entire speech that Dr. King made. Read it, take it to heart, and become your own Dream...

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only". We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

#42!

2008-01-20T22:14:00.000-05:00

Giants going to the Superbowl, baby!

Props to Webster!

2008-01-20T22:10:00.000-05:00

Interception, baby!

(Did I mention that we're a Giants family?) :)

And that includes Dad (who's calling at every major play), AND even Birth Mama V!
I'm just saying...

(I hope Malka doesn't wake up with all of the screaming!)

ugh!

2008-01-20T22:05:00.000-05:00

20 to 20, 4 seconds left in the game...

and he MISSES THE FIELD GOAL.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

Greenbay wins the coin toss.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It doesn't help that I get my best work done when they are asleep...

2008-01-18T00:20:00.000-05:00

But I feel, as I've gotten older (ugh...) that it's been getting harder and harder for me to go to bed at a decent hour. Lately? it's been no earlier than 1am.

But after Malka goes to bed around 8, I like to chill out with Narda for a bit before getting to my chores. The problem is when the chill time stretches a bit longer and longer, so I usually don't get to the chores until 11pm or so. Now until then, I'm either surfing the web, or sewing, or just watching TV. And I like that time to "unwind" from the day. It's nice when I jump right into the chores after the cheeky goes to bed, and then I have the rest of the evening to "play," but I really should be getting my sorry ass to bed earlier, because although I don't mind staying up late every so often, my old theatre days are far behind me, and the cheeky? She still gets up around 6:30 or so, and I'm starting to drink a bit more coffee, when I had weaned myself down to about 2 cups per day...

I remember when my bubbe z"l was alive, and I'd be amazed that she'd stay awake until midnight or later, and then get up at 5am. I think I just need a "day off," where I go spend the night at Bobby's, and have NO alarm, cheeky or otherwise, just so I can figure out if this is turning into insomnia, if it's just a phase my body is going through, or what.

Stupid weatherpeople...

2008-01-13T22:27:00.000-05:00

They promised the snowstorm of the century. You know, work at home in your jammies, make hot chocolate from scratch, watch the world blanketed in snow.

Alas, those weather people are just a big 'ole tease. IF we're lucky, we'll get a SPITTING of snow.

Blah.

I don't mind just a drop of it. But I hate being emotionally built up, just to be let down.

Stupid weatherpeople..

For the Love of Kander and Ebb*...

2008-01-13T16:11:00.000-05:00

(I'm not sure if that was their intention, but we ARE a theatrical family, after all...)

Go welcome Elsie Jane into the world!

Squee!

*If you don't understand my reference, go rent Cabaret, with Miss Liza, you'll love it!

Obligatory stats and thoughts on motherhood

2008-01-12T15:23:00.000-05:00

2 Year check-up:

Height: 36 & 1/4 inches tall

Weight: 35.11 ounces

If you do the math, our child is an amazon. Seriously? She weighs as much as she is tall. Erp. That's 99th percentile for height, and above the 100th percentile for weight. That means that 100% of children in her age range weigh less than her. But yet, she's not a total chunker, she's just SOLID. Massively. SOLID.

Oy.

Her lovely doctor has no worries about her developmentally, and even doesn't mind her size. She just wants us to limit her all day grazing, and try to limit her snacks a bit more, to try and give her eating a bit more structure. We are fine with that. She was fine with Malka's paci use - as it's just for sleeping - naps and bedtime. As for potty training, we should follow Malka's lead, which as of now? Means when she's in high school. The kid has NO interest in the potty, other than to point out when Narda and I use it: "Eemah potty? Mommy potty?" "Yes, Malka, Eemah potty."

Her numbers did come back slightly anemic, so we are swapping out her children's vitamin for one with iron in it. I'm going to start using my cast iron skillet a LOT more often, and I'll make some molasses cookies. And we'll see what her levels are like in 6 months. They want to rule out dietary changes and make sure it's just that simple.

Malka has always run a little on the hard end of the spectrum when it comes to poop, despite a fiber-rich diet, and now with the addition of iron, her doctor had us pick up some benefiber, and add a teaspoon to her morning "meetz," aka, watered down OJ.

So we'll keep you posted as to how the cheeky reacts to all of this intestinal change...

As for the motherhood discussions floating about, I want to have time think more on it. We tried to get pregnant for over 2 years, and ultimately, decided that adoption was the route for us. It was more important to us to be parents, than to have a birth experience, or a genetic link. For those of you that have met our family in person, you will no doubt trust that Malka knows who her eemahot are. So for us, with neither one being the bio-mom, there's no sense of feeling threatened, or feeling like the dad, or any of those things. We have our own unique situations that come up. I am the primary caretaker, and Malka does have a preference for me over Narda. But only when we are together. When Narda and Malka are alone, it's "eemah who?" But as a threesome, I am the preferred parent. Does this put Narda in the "dad" role? No. Does any of it matter? I don't think so. One thing that Narda has brought up in the past, is that our general assumptions of fatherhood tend to be around men who "opt out" of decision making and child-rearing preferences, and she often feels that with two women, you innately have two people interested in the minutiae of how your child is raised. And that is where conflicts can arise. Sure there are resentments, and frustrations, and joy and bliss, but in the the day to day, it often feels like in a hetero couple, the 'dad" often is less interested in the nitty gritty. And that's where we see the differences. Now again, we also know some awesome dads out there, too, and they are just as much a 100% participant in the raising of their children, and in fact, we know 2 stay at home dads, where the mom is the breadwinner. So I'm just talking about my own generalized assumptions about the population en masse, and not about individuals or our friends.

More to come, but those are my thoughts for now.

What's your take on all of it?

Well pull up a chair, and grab a cuppa tea!

2008-01-10T16:22:00.000-05:00

That's right! De-Lurker day.

So say howdy, won't ya?

New Hampshire...

2008-01-08T22:48:00.000-05:00

Hillary takes New Hampshire.

Squee!

I swear to you, that if a WOMAN becomes the next president of the United States, Change will indeed happen.

Now if we could only convince world conflicts to be solved by jumping on the bed.

Nothing makes me happier than the top two contenders for the presidency being a black man and a woman. Look at how far we've come, albeit how far we still have to go, but look at how far we've come. Women have only had the right to vote for 87 years. The voting rights act was passed in 1965. Narda's mother was 30 years old before she was ALLOWED to vote.

Now THAT's something.

Now Obama? He's a good speaker, and we like him well enough, but we are giving Hillary our vote. Not only will she give Narda and I a much closer shot at getting married in our lifetime, but she also has proven she's a hard worker. We have the chance to elect a woman to the highest position of power in the free world. How awesome is that?!

For the love of plaid

2008-01-07T16:26:00.000-05:00

Because we love you, Cali.

Perhaps all of our plaid will bring the tiniest ray of sunshine to an otherwise cloudy sky.

On Privilege..

2008-01-07T14:46:00.000-05:00

Nabbed this one from Sophia.

I think we were lower middle class growing up - I'm still trying to grow out of it. I never thought of myself as a privileged person, but according to this list, I guess I was a bit.

A small meme on privilege. Of course, bold whatever applies to you.

Father went to college.
Father finished college.
Mother went to college.
Mother finished college. (associates Degree at 42)
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18.
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18.
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively.
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs.
Went to a private high school.
Went to summer camp.
Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
Family vacations involved staying at hotels. (motels and hostels)
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18. (K-mart, but new)
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
There was original art in your house when you were a child.
You and your family lived in a single-family house.
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
You had your own room as a child.
You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
Had your own TV in your room in high school.
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
Went on a cruise with your family.
Went on more than one cruise with your family.
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.

Overheard while doing dishes...

2008-01-06T20:32:00.000-05:00

Narda: "If Obama gets the nomination, I just might vote for Guiliani."

I'm just sayin'...

Quincy helps with the Quilt-a-long

2008-01-03T23:28:00.001-05:00

What Eemah? I'm helping you!
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

Because he's just our little helper.

These are blocks 1-6 of the 12 week Quilt-a-long, as being led/tutored by the ever talented Amanda Jean, over at Crazy Mom Quilts.

I've learned SO much in the past 6 weeks, I look forward to the next 6!

Cutting the fat

2008-01-01T00:41:00.000-05:00

In more ways than one.

Someone commented to me one day that I'd "lost weight." I said to them, "Well, not since Thanksgiving." I thought, for SURE I had gained 8-12 pounds. But as you can see from my ticker, I've only gained about 5 pounds since early November. Sure, it's a gain, but I'm trying to not beat myself up (a favorite task), and say to myself - WOW! it could have been SO much more. I DID carry Weight Watchers around with me, in the back of my head. A bit. I made healthier choices at the gazillion "all-you-can-eat-holiday-parties-and-soires" that we went to this season. And we hosted one this am, a playdate for Malka's 2 boyfriends from daycare, and we go to Uncle Bobby's for MORE yummy food tomorrow.

But. I'm back to tracking. And that's something. Because when I track what I eat, it works.

Speaking of tracking, Narda and I worked on our budget for 2008. Erm. OK - can y'all help convince us that we NEED Cable - we get a bulk discount for our building, and it comes down to about 95 bucks for basic cable, and Internet. It could be WAY more expensive if we didn't have the "building bulk" discount, but really, we are trying to cut the fiscal fat, too, as we work on our journey to child #2. We just HAVE to save more. So we have to cut the financial fat. We are pretty frugal, but we know we could cut our long distance, cable, be more vigilant about cooking at home, and about comparison shopping for groceries.

I LURVE me some Amy Dacyzyn (and if you don't know who she is, go google her!), so as far as how to stretch what we have, I'm ALL over it. But I'm also open to ideas about MORE ways to "stretch" those dollars - for example, do any of you have those "green plugs," and if so, do they REALLY work? We are half fluorescent, and half incandescent - I CANNOT have my bedside lamp as fluorescent - I'd scream. But I'm into hearing about off the wall methods, like caulking inside your outlet boxes. So all of that cool stuff, I'm open - share, share, share.

Because the fat? She needs to be cut this year.

In more ways than one.

Happy 2008, may it bring you joy, love, and all that you are willing to work for.

Squee alert!

2007-12-28T14:59:00.000-05:00

OMG! Cali is knocked up, people. As in Pregnant. Squee! Go share the love!

And Second Squee Alert! Jen and Cait are preggers, too! Wow. The good news just keeps coming in.

As for the Cheeky, she's doing better - thanks for all of the well wishes. We have a steroid prescription to pick up, and her puff-puff to administer, but the fever's gone, and so is the fear.

So Squees all around!

Off to the ER we go...

2007-12-27T20:06:00.000-05:00

Fever - Not too bad. Cough - Not too bad. Wheezing - Not too bad. All three together=off to the ER we go. She's down to 46 breaths per minute, from 52, and her fever's down to 103.5 from 103.8, but each time I lay her down to take her temp, the resulting breathing catastrophe has me terribly nervous.

So despite the steam treatments, and motrin/tylenol alternating, and her "puff-puff," (aka inhalor), she's still not in the best of shape. But bless her little keppe, she's almost as chatty and playful as her poor sick body will allow.

Including "Maka do!" to put on her socks and crocks, to get in the car seat....

On Faith...

2007-12-24T15:56:00.000-05:00

I've written before about how I have an internal negative reaction when people wish me a "Merry Christmas," and I instinctively respond with "Happy Chanukah."

The Rabbi on Saturday was talking about how we react to such things. Especially since this past week's Parsha (Torah Portion) talks about the blessings given to Jacob's children. When people wish us a Merry Christmas, or a happy holiday, they are giving us a blessing. HOW we receive that blessing tells us much. I shared about my inner snark, if you will, and how I'm working on overcoming that. I truly am. I have even found myself NOT internally grimacing when someone wishes me a Merry Christmas. I simply say Thank you, or "Happy Holidays to you!" Maybe I have more important things going on in my life right now, or maybe I am truly getting a bit older, and perhaps a bit wiser, or maybe it's the lexapro, who knows. but it feels good not to get my knickers in a twist over someone wishing me nothing but joy.

And in true Jewish fashion, where an entire culture typically dines on Chinese food and rents a movie, Narda, Malka and I will be going out for an early dinner, and then strolling down 5th avenue to look at all of the window displays. Because we are also New Yorkers, and it's quite a Shanda if we don't pay homage to the glorious displays of the department stores lining 5th Ave.

Yesterday, we had a wonderful visit with birth mama V, at "our Starbucks," as we now like to call it - they have a HUGE upstairs, that is perfect for Malka to run around in, and they don't bother you much. In fact, one guy was asleep in the corner, the entire time we were there. "V" has also given me permission to make her pictures Friends and family on Flickr, so if you are friended on flickr, you can see pictures of her as soon as I unprivate them.

Narda gave me a wonderful gift this am - she kept Malka entertained ALL morning, and I organized the bookcase in the living room, clearing a shelf to store all of my sewing supplies.

it's been a great day so far, and it's SO nice to have this family time together. Sure we miss not being in Portland with my family, but it's nice to create family time for ourselves, too.

So Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays, and enjoy each moment as they come, for each moment is a gift, and meant to be enjoyed.

the new bag. I'm WAY proud!

2007-12-21T23:04:00.001-05:00

the new bag. I'm WAY proud!
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

Vintage fabric from Janet. Top zipper from a thrifted wool sweater I took apart to felt for ugly doll bits.

It has a lining, and an inner pocket, and I'm in love. Narda, not so much. But that's OK, I didn't make it for her! ;)

Better pictures to come. But I just had to share.

Matching...

2007-12-18T14:29:00.000-05:00

It's time we entered the grown up world.

Narda was getting sick and tired of cleaning cat puke out of our bedroom rug. It was Shag. From Ikea.

We got a new rug. It's awesome, and will hide cat puke nicely.

The dark green you see? it's almost a match EXACTLY to our wall color.

Now I just need to make a quilt that matches.

Because our room doesn't look "quite" right now. With the generic brown shag rug, everything just kind of blended in. Now, our room looks like a grown-up's room. SO we need a quilt to match.

I'm open to ideas. Should I try to match the rug exactly? Or just do some big squares in a white background, using colors from the rug? I'm eager to hear what you think...

Since you entered this world,

2007-12-17T12:41:00.000-05:00

Two years have gone by.

Woah.

I'd write more, but it will have to wait for later. I have the "day off," but I really only have about an hour before I have to leave to go to your Doda Inbar's house to decorate your Elmo cake, and get it to daycare before you wake up from your nap.

Just know that your mommy and I love you more than anything in the world, and we consider ourselves the luckiest people alive to be able to be your eemahot.

Eggceptional

2007-12-13T23:47:00.000-05:00

We love you, Cali!

OK - so um, yeah. We won't do THAT again!

2007-12-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

The crime: Giving our sweet, cherubic daughter a homemade, organic-ingredients chocolate chip cookie fresh from the oven.

At 7:15pm.

The punishment: Heard over the monitor at 8:54pm: "MOMMY! EEMAH! YOU GUYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSS! Elmo FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYY! hahahahahahahahahaha"

Lesson learned.

Want to play?

2007-12-12T19:54:00.000-05:00

So I get a surprise package in the mail from my step-niece, not sure what it is. It turns out to be a "Flat Stanley-esque" type project. It's a travel journal that is supposed to travel the globe.

You write a page, stating all about your city, and also sending a postcard to the class.

Would you be interested in playing along? The further away from Oregon, the better!

Since this is for my niece, you don't have to solicit folks - I can create a list of names and addresses, and send it along. OR... since it was a surprise to me, perhaps you can surprise someone too.

Just post in the comments if you want to play along.

Thanks!

Reunited...

2007-12-11T23:16:00.001-05:00

The cratfy is BACK!
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

And it feels so good!

The call came at 5:05 today, just as I was getting off of the subway, to head home and light the Hanukiah.

Instead, I grabbed a cab, bolted downtown, and was reunited with my beloved Elna.

The picture is the small book bag I made for my stepsister. It has a clear pocket for a medalion, and is the perfect size for the book within.

I'm SO glad to have my sewing machine back!

Because it would SO not be appropriate now...

2007-12-10T12:14:00.001-05:00

But um, yeah - we all grew up on this, and it was FAB!

Just don't show it to your kids, because they'll either get freaked out, or laugh. But not in a good way.

When you mess with the bedtime...

2007-12-09T23:29:00.000-05:00

It messes with you.

'nuff said.

Chanukah party #2 of the day put Malka's bedtime back by about 2 hours. She went RIGHT to sleep, but now? Over the monitor? Eemah. Mommy. Eemah. Sowwy Eemah. Mommy. Whine. Mommy Sowwy Eemah.

Oy.

It will wind down, but man. She was having SUCH a grand time. Because you know, the uncle Bobby was there. AKA, he who gives Eemah and Mommy heart attacks, because of the tossing and throwing. Of the Malka. In the air. But those two have a special bond, so what's an Eemah to do? Eh, the whine has already subsided.

Fingers crossed for a continued smooth night.

Pictures to come.

Chag Chanukah Sameach. (I only gained .2 pounds in two weeks! Not bad for the 'season of the Latke and Jelly Doughnut.)

Getting the hang of this present opening thing...

2007-12-07T11:09:00.001-05:00

rip!
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

Malka is enjoying Chanukah so far - she runs to the Kippah drawer, and hands mommy and myself Kippot before we say the Bracha over the candles.

She knows the Hebrew word for present is "Matanah,"so she walks over to this yellow bin we have with all of the Chanukah presents, and says - "Matanah Malka?"

It's really quite adorable!

Chanukah Sameach.

Yeah, that!

2007-12-06T12:12:00.000-05:00

Totally took this from Hope's page - but I WHOLE HEARTEDLY agree.

Chag Orim Sameach!

2007-12-04T19:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Chanukah, aka - festival of lights.

May the glow of the Hanukeah (Menorah) fill the darkness with light.

And enjoy the Sufganyieot and Latkes. I hope to make some, but I did pick some up from the Kosher market, just in case...

Flooded...

2007-12-03T09:02:00.000-05:00

So on our way home from Shul Saturday, I get a text from a random number that says: "u need to call me." And I'm thinking, huh? And then there was also a voice message. it was from the super.

Ruh-Ro.

The pipes under the upstairs neighbor's bathroom leaked, and flooded 5i (us), 4i, 3i, 2i, 1i, and the basement. Woah.

So basically, although we have cement ceilings, it is a porous substance, and in the "seams" between the cement ceiling pannels, water came pouring down in the kitchen, living room and in Malka's room. Oddly enough, it wasn't in the bathroom, at all. Fortunately, we are friendly with our super, so he sent the porter in to mop up the water from the fllor, so that our floors wouldn't be damaged.

There is some damage, some warping of our hardwood floors, but it could have been SO much worse. There's damage to the walls in our kitchen, the ceiling in the kitchen, Malka's room and living room. The kitchen will need to have the sheetrock repaired and to be re-painted, the wool rug in our hallway was soaked, but I think we got it up in time, so hopefully our apartment won't smell like wet sheep.

I'm working from home today, so I can deal with the stream of people coming into the apartment to assess the damage, and I have to upload all of the pictures and attach them to a report, as the damages are part of the building's responsibility - Luis, our super, thinks the problem is with the back up stopper - you know how when you take a bath, that hole in the stopper control that is the "overflow" protector - when you fill up a bath, all is well, but then when you actually get IN, and the water goes down the overflow thinggy? Well Luis seems to think there was a structural problem in the installation in the one for 6i, so hence, the problem.

Ugh. NOT what we wanted to be dealing with this weekend.

Here's a link to the photo set...

Things I NEVER thought would come out of my mouth...

2007-11-29T20:28:00.000-05:00

"No wiggling on Eemah, please."

I just had to share that.

I blame Bri...

2007-11-29T19:23:00.000-05:00

Because of this post, Malka now DEMANDS that we sing it. "od-pa'am" (again) and again and again.
Go on - see if YOU can keep a toddler away from it...

Because Sewing Machines are people too!

2007-11-27T13:14:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's been the active marathon sewing I've been doing lately, but my little Elna is having a bit of heart burn.

She's going in on Sunday, and I may not see her for a week! GASP!

Le Sigh.

It's probably a timing thing.

I'll miss her while she's out...

It's SO Spicy!

2007-11-23T20:21:00.000-05:00

Go here. Buy Spice Tins for those you know and love. They are SO awesome.

As I spent MANY moments this past Thanksgiving cursing my cupboards and the LACK of spice organization, I'll be getting a set for myself!

Chanukah is early this year. December 5th - so it's not too early to shop!

Union Square Farmer's Market. The day before Thanksgiving...

2007-11-22T12:55:00.001-05:00

Union Square Farmer's Market. The day before Thanksgiving...
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

Happy Thanksgiving.

I give you this lovely shot of the Union Square Farmer's Market from yesterday. Because today? I'm POOPED. I baked 3 pies last night, and have been cooking since basically 3pm yesterday. I've JUST sat down. But thank goodness for Narda, as she's on Malka duty.

So enjoy the wine, the turkey, (or to-furkey), family and friends.

And if the family is a bit tough? Enjoy the wine. I know I will...

Quilt A Long Week 1!

2007-11-19T21:33:00.000-05:00

Here's my first block!

You can join here

sending out the love sos...

2007-11-19T13:07:00.001-05:00

Hope, Megan, and Quinn could use some love and warm fuzzies right now - go send some, OK.

Love you ladies.

I can do this!

2007-11-15T16:00:00.000-05:00

So lately, I've been coveting some of the mad quilting skills of some quilting bloggers and flickr quilters. One of them has decided to do a relatively easy "Quilt -a-long." I'm SO IN! I just organized all of my fabric, and I have a bunch, so I'm sure Narda would be thrilled to see some of it dwindle...

AND.... I have a genuine, bonafide crafting playdate with Stephanie this Sunday, so I'll be able to get LOTS of my pieces cut.

So come along and join in, won't you?

Before and After

2007-11-14T23:06:00.001-05:00

Before and After
Originally uploaded by shellipsm

Ayup - Malka's first hair cut. Cut at home, by yours truly. Strapped in her booster seat, in the living room, on-demand Elmo, a pacifier, and she had NO idea what was going on.

More pictures at flickr - but the face shots, as always are friends and family only.

Her hair desperately needed it. And now we should gain a bit of our morning back, too!

The INfertile Mother...

2007-11-14T11:20:00.000-05:00

Mel asked some of us to talk about the cost of infertility.

Ready? Are you sitting down?

In 2002, we decided that the time was ripe to begin our journey towards "family." We had just purchased an apartment, and were firmly planting "roots." We had previously discussed having kids, and were glad that we were both on the same page. Narda had absolutely no desire to be the "uterus for rent," so it was up to me. In order to do so, however, I had to quit smoking. So I made my new years resolution for 2003 to quit smoking for good. Having read Alan Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Smoking, ($24.99), I chose a date. December 31st, 2002 would be my last cigarette. EVER.

And it was. (oooo, remind me to tell you about the evil Beyotch that I became for about 3 months afterwards, too!) EEK.

We then had to look at sperm, aka, "Man in a can," and we spent about $150.00 in signing up for profile viewing. Which kind of sucks, since we discovered that there's only about 20 African American Sperm Donors in America. Seriously.

Then we had to figure out what the heck we were doing - so back to the book store we go - Add on another $24.99 a few times for some good books - like - Taking Charge of your Fertility, The Essential Lesbian guide to conception and birth, etc. etc. etc.

The we found a GYN in NYC that would do IUI's for $150.00 per pop. Because you see, my insurance at the the time didn't believe that we "had been trying for a year already," as we don't have sperm at home, and they wanted 12 months of receipts of donor insems before they would agree to pay for IUI's. They wouldn't pay for sperm, or IVF, or drugs, but they would pay for IUI's. We also bought about 10 vials of Sperm, at $300 bucks a pop, plus $150.00 to ship, plus paid to store it in NYC (you know, for those last minute insems) at $400.00 per quarter. We also bought BOXES AND BOXES AND BOXES of OPK's at (oddly enough), $24.99 per box, and HPT's at, oh, anywhere from $6.00 to 12.00 per box. And then there was more sperm, at $285.00 per pop, shipping at $149.80, ultrasounds at $125.00 each, we moved our IUI's to the place that our sperm was stored, and they were awesome, and felt awful each time it didn't work. Plus, there were cabs to and from insem appointments, esp. when they were mid-work day, and those were about $12.00 each way. And then you add in all of the bottles of wine we went through on "home insem" days, and the sushi and beer for when it didn't work, and after about 16 cycles of donor sperm IUI's that didn't work, we average that we spent about $25,000 or more in total that never got me knocked up.

We spent less than $10,000 in adopting Malka. And she is the best thing that ever happened to us.

So even though NY State has an infertility mandate, insurance companies STILL have biases against lesbians and single women.

Write your congressperson, won't you? I did.

Makado!

2007-11-12T15:07:00.000-05:00

You know, as in “Malka DO!” I must remember to set my alarm even earlier these days, as we need 20 extra minutes just for Malka to put on her own fucking pants. If we even DAIN to do certain things for her now – like all of the important ones – brush her teeth, put on her pants, buckle her into her booster seat at the table, we are confronted with the worst tantrum known to man kind, because, you know, “makado!”

And the pure bliss and glee she exhibits when she DOES put the “aforementioned fucking pants” on properly? Priceless – you’ve NEVER seen another human being more proud.

So yeah, we just have to get up even earlier now. Because there will be battles of the wills when it will be "because I said so!" But for now? Letting her learn and be proud of that accomplishment is worth the extra 20 minutes on my alarm clock.

I should be inspired...

2007-11-08T21:14:00.000-05:00

Narda and I are TOTALLY addicted to any and all television program about "those multiple kids shows."

I'm watching one now, in fact. One mom, 13 kids, 9 daily loads of laundry, 15 dinners prepared, and I'm kvetching about one sink of dishes.

I'll go skulk off in shame now.

And go do the dishes.

While I work on crafty project #37 this week! (I promise to post pictures of "the crafty" soon.)

UPDATED Because 7 is my lucky number (or else I'm an idiot!)

2007-11-03T14:49:00.000-04:00

As seen at AdProb, and Chickory-ville, I've decided to "pay it forward."

The first 7, (yes, that's seven) people to comment on this post will receive a gift in the mail - from me! The only glitch? YOU have to do the same (I think the current number is 5 people, but 7's been a "berry-berry-good-ta-me.")

So post away. And if I don't have your address? I'll e-mail you for it, so be sure I can track your e-mail when you post.

Cheers!

**OK - just a reminder, that if you anonymously (ie: no linkable blog link) signed up - and um, yes, Chris, that means YOU!) ;) this also means that I do not have your e-mail address, and if I do not have your e-mail address, I cannot write to you to ask you for your snail-mail address. And if I don't have your snail mail address? I can't send you stuffs!**

a Halloween Preview

2007-10-31T13:24:00.001-04:00

This post is for Cat.

Today is Cat's favorite Holiday, and Malka sends her love to you, out in the hinterlands....

Here we see Malka in her Purim outfit, which will also serve a purpose when we go to the Natural History Museum today, for their annual Halloween Party.

When co-sleeping isn't...

2007-10-30T10:33:00.001-04:00

Narda and I have always held onto the fantasy of a lazy Sunday morning, newspapers strewn about the bed, and a peaceful cherub sleeping in betwixt our pillows, cute as all get out.

Fast forward to last night.

Heard over the monitor: "SCREAM, CRY, SCREAM! EEEEEEEMAH! PACI! LOVEY! SCREAM! SCREAM! EEEEEEMAH!"

I roll over, thinking it's oh, 5:30 or so, and realize it's only 1:30. Ugh. I roll over, hoping that she'll work it out. After a few minutes, it totally escalates, and Narda sees me getting out of bed, and says - "good luck."

I go into Malka's room, and she IMMEDIATELY stops crying. She looks up at me and says: "Hi!" With a giggle and a grin. I pick her up, whisper sweet nothings, change her diaper, go to put her back in her crib, and she does the cling to Eemah, crib is made of fire cry. So I do what any normal mother would do at 1:40am. I bring her, her pillow, her paci, her lovey, her Elmo and her blanket to OUR bed, and sadly, escort Cougar out of our bed. (He'd bite Malka if she got too "friendly," he's a little old man and doesn't "do" toddlers.)

Malka, of course, is just THRILLED at this turn of events, and decides that play time? is NOW. Narda and I said "lie down, Malka" about oh, 150 times. Finally, I just roll over and try to sleep. With Malka's head on my neck. She wakes up about a half hour later, miraculously PERPENDICULAR to both of us - head on my chest, feet kicking Narda. We re-smoosh her into position, and try the sleeping thing again. She keeps sitting up and trying to get Quincy's attention. (I have to separate Quincy and Cougar at night if Cougar isn't sleeping between our heads, as Quincy will terrorize him...) "Kincee? "Kincee?" "Kincee!"

At long last, Malka falls asleep, and by now, it's about 2:45am. Oh my goodness is that kid cute when she sleeps! So we all drift off to peaceful slumber, when all of a sudden - BEEP BEEP BEEP. Damn alarm clock. 5:57am.

Malka bounds up, ready to start her day, as her mommies painfully shuffle about our morning, vowing never to "co-sleep" again...

Until next time, that is. Because did I mention the cute? Yeah, she's pretty cute when she sleeps. (if she ever gets there).

With Abandon

2007-10-24T10:26:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I REALLY get bitten by my internal organizer. It's when my old stage manger self comes in and says - Hey lady! You have too much going on - simplify!

So you know what I just did? I just deleted my ENTIRE Deleted messages box in Outlook - 2 years worth of messages that I had ALREADY DELETED, but were hanging onto - "just in case." Um, hello, self? I ALREADY deleted them!

So I just hit "select all" and the little red "X."

It feels SO liberating!

Now if only I could get a handle on my filing...

Tzedakah

2007-10-22T12:52:00.000-04:00

Tzedakah in Judaism is best done anonymously.

Right now, many of us have a friend who is in need of some tzedakah. She has been spending the past few years of her adult life selflessly and lovingly taking care of her grandmother, while supporting many of us on our journeys towards parenthood. She has been wanting nothing more than to simply join our ranks, but due to her current full time job, she doesn't really have an income. So she was selected to be an egg donor (because she's that awesome) in an egg-sharing program. All was going well, we even got to see her yesterday, and she was mid-stims, producing a nice number of eggs to share.

Somehow, during a routine blood-draw, the lab messed up and decided to declare that she was Hepatitis-C Positive. The clinic called, and sadly, had to cancel the cycle for her and the donor. She can continue IVF, but her hopes of donating her eggs to share the financial burden of IVF are smashed to bits. Even though the test was a false positive.

I've never done this before, but we love and adore this woman. She has given SO much of herself, and asks for SO little in return. Please please please, go to her blog and click on the donate button , and consider donating a few dollars towards her IVF fund. I can think of NO ONE that deserves this more.

Tired, but in a good way...

2007-10-21T21:28:00.000-04:00

This weekend, we got to host some beloved friends for some catching up, socializing, and good, old-fashioned hanging out. We also got to see some more friends this am, over brunch, and then we headed out to Brooklyn to see even a few more, and meet a few that we hadn't met before...

One of the sweeter moments of the weekend was when Malka and I came home today, and Malka said, with a sweet, questioning look as she gazed about the now empty apartment: "Na-ah-yee?" And I had to say, "Sorry, sweetheart, Natalie went home. We'll see her again soon, however." And Malka said: "Yeah."